Well, got back from GI doctor, I am all scheduled for the colonoscopy at the end of May. Got my prescriptions for the laxative stuff for the day before, better get a stack of magazines for the bathroom!

Sucks getting old!

Doctor told me to bring some of my favorite music for the procedure, yeah right, that way every time my iPod plays the same tune I’ll picture the camera snaking up my arse!

They will give me meds to relax, if past ops are anything to go by, soon as the IV is inserted I’ll be out like a light thankfully.

But yah, cutting out diary products I lost four pounds.

Upon hearing my accent the doctor asked if I was from South Africa, that’s a new one, I’ll add it to the list of Australia, New Zealand, Boston & Chicago.

Sitting here at our PC’s the TV is on, some entertainment show, all the latest gossip. Who has been sleeping with who, who is getting divorced, which celebrities have dragged their selves out of the drug treatment centers and is now doing the show circuit to bemoan their hard multi-million dollar lifestyle.

Oh boo hoo people!

I Asked Carolyn why this crap was on, even worse once this show is over they show another similar show on the same channel with the same stories.

“It is background noise,” she answers.

“Can we watch something else?”

Sure, she says and chucks the remote at me.

Sorry but I just can’t feel sorry for some of these people who earn big bucks then run into situations and have to moan and go on about it, we all have issues. Cynical bar steward that I am.

Sitting at the daughter’s house watching her two kids (same day as the licking the cookie thing), Alec says, “Grandpa want to play Star Wars?”

I said yes, and he and his sister went into their bedrooms, Aurianna came out with two plastic light sabers, a push of a button and a flick of the wrist and the plastic “blade” part extended out. She and I had blue light sabers, then Alec strides out with a light saber clipped onto each pocket. He pulls them off and flicks them open, one is red the other green.

Then the assault began! Both started attacking me, whacking me hard with the light sabers, I thrust and parried and blocked their blows and tapped their arms and legs, “There goes another limb, bwhahahaha.”

Of course, I was told light sabers cannot cut through skin. What? Yes they can, then they suddenly had metal suits on and of course, “Grandpa, they won’t cut through metal.”

I couldn’t get them to realize light sabers can cut through anything.

But I had to stop the game because grandpa was close to ending up covered in bruises and I could see something in their Mom’s house getting broken.

Dejected they took the light sabers away, then Alec comes out and asks if I want to play pirates, “Okay,” I said not thinking.

I hear a loud “Yarrrrrr,” and they both jump out twirling plastic pirate swords and attack.

I ducked and covered!

I am always tanking up on my vitamins, supplements, lubing the joints, enhancing the eyesight. Shoveling the good stuff like carrots, tomato juice and Resveratrol into my bod in an effort to keep it in tip top shape. Currently having to add antibiotics (two kinds) and an antacid to get rid of an intestinal bacteria I picked up.

So I changed the crap I eat for lunch and Carolyn has been packing me some good stuff, sitting in the break room today with one of my colleagues. We were waiting for the rest of the crew for a meeting and we were talking. He noticed I was eating an Activia yogurt and mentioned how they are good for helping the digestion and also for yeast infections.

As no one else was around he told me he used a lot of it as he got a yeast infection as a result of a condom with spermicide, apparently that is a possible side-effect of such condoms. He mentioned eating a lot of the yogurt, I said, “Eat it? I thought you slathered it on the affected area to help.”

He laughed and said no you’re meant to eat it.

“So you weren’t at home plunging your dick into the strawberry yogurt?” I asked.

We both cracked up and he sputtered his drink through his nostril all over the table, we were roaring just as the rest of the crew came in. They were perplexed as to what had gone on and we both just sat there struggling to control ourselves!

As a man and husband, I of course have the ability to make the wife’s eyes roll on a regular basis. Carolyn always has the spinning eyeballs when I come up with some scheme or idea etc.

As I am practicing and rehearsing my mentalism stuff sher rolls her eyes when I bend the cutlery or read her mind. I decided I needed a spiffy briefcase to hold books and stuff and showed her some I had found online, Zero Halliburton, of course, when she sees them and the prices she rolls her eyes!

So as a compromise she got me a Samsonite briefcase from the thrift store where she works for a huge discount, brand new too, so I guess I have to settle for that until I save my spendies for the cool ones I found.

After work I walked to my bus stop opposite a construction site, they have flaggers funneling traffic past the site. Today there were Police and paramedics all over the place, one flagger was sitting by the side of the road holding his hand and a guy in a Mini Cooper was stopped and being spoken too.

Apparently the guy in the Mini drove past the flagger and clipped the flagger on the hand. He was carted away by the ambulance.

He was obviously in great pain and I bet he broke several bones which means casts and light duty and off work for a while.

I know what it is like, I was nailed by a guy in a Doge Ram truck. I was on a crosswalk and had the walk signal, guy turned left and I saw him coming and almost made it out of the way. He clipped my trailing hand and spun me to the ground, he felt the impact and stopped which was good or he would’ve gone right over me.

I chipped a bone in my hand and had to have a cast on and was on light duty for six weeks, that hurt like a motha so the flagger guy was whacked with some force.

I was over at the daughter’s place baby sitting two of the grand kids, they had cookies and Aurianna sat hers down. She went into the kitchen, her brother Alec picked up her cookies, “They are your sisters,” I told him.

He walked into the kitchen and I heard him say, “Here’s your cookies sis, I licked them they have my germs on them.”

He came back out grinning while stuffing cookies in his mouth as his sister told him he could have them.

Manipulative little git!

I went to the doctors for a check-up, my doc was out so had to see nurse practitioner. AS I sat in the cubicle awaiting the nurse I could hear her in the next room with a Spanish patient and interpretor.

When she finally came in she said, “Wow I’ve had a bilingual day, I’m glad to have someone who speaks English for a change.”

“I am English too,” I said.

As I said more she turned and said, “Yes you are,” and then affected her version of an Englsih accent that sounded totally off.

Why do people do that?

I don’t do it when I meet people with different accents. If I meet someone from Texas I don’t start drawling and saying “Y’all.”